Tag Archives: stress management

Healing The Wounded Child

The wounding of the inner child is a concept basic to modern psychology. A wounded inner child is one deeply affected by the sense of being unloved, or unlovable, or both. This perception can readily manifest into poor self-esteem, negative body image, addictive personality and other dysfunctions of suffering.

The wounded inner child is a psychological and phenomenological reality, one that can be extraordinarily powerful. As first intimated by psychologist Sigmund Freud, most destructive behavior patterns are, to a greater or lesser degree, related to this subconscious part of ourselves. Indeed, we were all children once, and that presence still dwells within us. Yet when we have endured neglect, abuse and emotional hardship, many of us dissociate with our child-like nature as we grow into adulthood. This abdication of an essential element of ourselves, which is typically driven by a determination to leave our painful past behind, is the basis of many behavioral, emotional and relationship difficulties.

Most commonly, it is within the framework of parental relationships and the nuclear family system that the wounding of the inner child occurs. Yet experiences such as bullying, abandonment, physical abuse, psychological abuse and physical or sexual assault—events that engender shame, guilt, rage and resentment—can also traumatize the inner child. Any experience of being physically or psychologically violated, even when it occurs in adulthood, can create this trauma.

In repressing the memories of such conflicts, we attempt to leave our child-like self behind and thus become emotionally attached to the past. We diminish spontaneity and the joy of cherishing each moment with awe and amazement, which allows our wounding to define us. Paradoxically, as a consequence of denying this essential element of our being, an internal rebellion occurs at times that empowers the wounded child to take possession of our personality and hijack our adult decision making process, creating disruptive episodes and scripting self-sabotaging behavior.

Within the psyche, emotion is a fundamental experience of the inner child. By attempting to block out the negative we also inhibit the positive, essentially muting ourselves at the emotional level. Yet this proves to be a precarious stasis which, in the presence of certain emotional, chemical and psychological triggers, can give way to fits of rage, grief, despair and depression, and may also lead to social anxiety, insomnia, obsessive compulsive behaviors and other disorders. Alas, these are the effects of being emotionally attached to unreconciled wounds of the past, dynamics that come to characterize us as victims—a volatile identity the inner child experiences as being exiled.

In adulthood, we want to believe we have left this wounded child and its emotional baggage behind.

Upon endeavoring to protect ourselves from unwanted reminders of our trauma, we project fear into new situations and confuse our perceptions, diverting our attention from the present to the past. This reaction is known as emotional looping, a symptom of what psychology calls arrested development that further tethers us to the painful memories from which we flee. This fragile vulnerability also draws us into unhealthy relationships with sketchy boundaries and unrealistic expectations, including those of rescued and rescuer, which ultimately prove to be unfulfilling and revisit aspects of the pain and hardship that trouble us.

Healing begins when we stop running from the traumatic memories and embrace the wounded child that refuses to be left behind—when we become emotionally capable of parenting ourselves and nurturing our betrayed innocence back to health. We then come to understand that the demons that haunt us are merely manifestations of the wounded child within, pleading for mercy and liberation from the traumas of the past. By letting go of our fear and delivering the inner child from its desperate longing for love and acceptance, something even more valuable than a lost part of ourselves is gained. Indeed, we come to understand the transcendent power of empathy and how it is rooted in the inner child—the redeemed aspect of our consciousness that is naturally guileless, caring, playful, uncomplicated, and whose manner is simple and straightforward.

This is why mindfulness training and the practice of mindfulness meditation have been a successful medium of transformation for so many people. In whatever ways the events of our lives have shaped us, we can only accept our fate and embrace our misfortunes as opportunities. While one cannot forget the past, it is important to acknowledge that change only occurs in the here and now. By developing the poise, self-possession and connective consciousness to actually be present with what is happening in the moment, we learn to recognize and move beyond ingrained defensive reactions and dysfunctional patterns of behavior sourced in the past, and are free to experience the boundless inspiration of reclaiming our child-like trust and wonder.

©2018 by Shawn Quinlivan, C.Ht. & Cathexis Therapeutic Imagery. All rights reserved.

Introvert? Extrovert? Or Ambivert?

In becoming complete human beings we integrate all aspects of our personality, even those to which we aren’t entirely conscious. This is a process that imminent psychologist Carl Jung called ‘individuation.’ Another term for this is ‘self-actualization,’ which is how the traits shared by all human beings uniquely come together for each of us, defining us as individuals.

“Jung’s concept is that the aim of one’s life, psychologically speaking, should not be to suppress or repress, but to come to know one’s other side, and so both to enjoy and to control the whole range of one’s capacities; i.e., in the full sense, ‘to know oneself.'”

~ Joseph Campbell

Personality labels are recklessly and carelessly bandied about, none more so than introvert and extrovert. It is important to acknowledge that these terms represent psychological theories, and that personalities exist on a continuum. If one considers the normal distribution of the bell curve, then about two-thirds of people fall somewhere in the middle. This is why many are confused when trying to apply these labels and often feel like “I’m not really either one.”

Introversion and extroversion were considered as mutually exclusive ‘attitudes’ by Jung, who noted that none of us are completely extroverted or introverted, but we prominently connect to one or the other attitude. In this direct quote, he gives an example of how both introversion and extroversion exist in the psyche:

“If you take an extrovert you will find his unconscious has an introverted quality, because all the extroverted qualities are played out in his consciousness and the introverted are left in the unconscious.” 

~ Carl Jung

Jung postulated that opposites create tension in the psyche, and that if we fail to address these tensions by denying the opposites, we repress or push the pressure out of our consciousness. This is what he referred to as part of ‘the shadow self.’  His process of individuation―his solution for overcoming our tendency toward this one-sided nature―is to intentionally integrate all the parts of our personality, even those to which we aren’t entirely conscious. In this way we transcend the shadow self and become complete human beings; we self-actualize.

Dr. John Kappas introduced a profound interpretation of Jung’s work focused through the lens of neurolinguistics, expanding the perspective and contemplation of introversion and extroversion in a number of intriguing ways. According to his formative model Theories of Suggestibility & Sexuality, an individual’s introverted and extroverted personality traits, which are delineated as ‘emotional and physical suggestibility and sexuality,’ begin with the dynamics of information processing inherent in child development and evolve into preferred ways of thinking, feeling and acting. These traits are flexible and adaptable to a certain degree; however, while introverted or extroverted personality traits may be altered based upon a given set of circumstances or conditions, a person remains fundamentally inclined to one or the other.

This interpretation succinctly captures the ambivert concept. Those leaning toward introversion still possess the capability for charisma and an outgoing personality when the situation demands it, and those leaning toward extroversion are capable of solitude, deep thought, and self-contemplation when necessary. The key is to be mindful of how and when these labels represent limitation—to step beyond our comfort zone and sharpen our skills on each end of the spectrum—so that we may actualize and empower our lives.

©2018 by Shawn Quinlivan, C.Ht. & Cathexis Therapeutic Imagery. All rights reserved.

 

    

Mindfulness Meditation: The Science Of Sacred Time

In teaching my clients mindfulness meditation, I emphasize the transformative nature of the present moment, which I reverently refer to as sacred time. So much of the stress and anxiety we experience in life is directly related to our preoccupation with rehashing the past or rehearsing for the future. The ability to pay attention to our immediate experience, to truly be present in the here and now, invites a pure awareness that diffuses the habituation of negative thoughts, emotions and behaviors that are obstacles to happiness and fulfillment.

Meditation is about raising consciousness, which can only be achieved in the present, as we notice and experience—beyond preconception or judgment—the intelligent energies of the living universe that exist beyond human thought. A personal sanctity occurs in this space, an empowerment of insight and meaning, a transcendence rooted in the physiology of focused breathing and the mind-body connection, that invites us into the spiritual ‘center’ of our individual worlds.

Dancing Circles Around The Sun

Like the practice of meditation, the concept of sacred time is ancient. The cycles of day and night, the turning of the seasons, the celestial system of astrology and ancient astronomy, are evidence of time being originally perceived as circular, and serve as a basis for the enduring representations from every culture of the circle and wheel as universal symbols of life.

In Celtic wisdom, time is contemplated in two distinct aspects:

  • Historical time as being linear and consisting of the past, present and future
  • Sacred time as being circular and existing solely in the present moment

Science reveals that the physical forces of the universe which function to create our perception of time are all cyclical. The prevailing viewpoint of time, however, is that of a linear phenomenon where the future is fundamentally different from the past, a perspective that has biblical foundations and corresponds to the evolution of written language and the recording of history. But science confesses to having trouble with time because Einstein’s theories of relativity rendered over a century ago disproved the idea of time as a universal constant. Consequently, the common belief that time is a temporal occurrence is not absolute in the learned minds of those who study the physical world. (See Discover Magazine article ‘Time May Not Exist’ here).

Sacred TimeThe earth spins at about 1000 miles per hour creating a gravitational pull that curves or ‘warps’ space-time. And with the moon in its orbital tow, the earth rotates in concert with eight other planets around the celestial fireball in the center of our solar system. No “past” or “future” exists in this circular equation of cosmic force; only the here and now. Akin to the mathematical conundrum of measuring the circumference of a circle, for which no formula is precisely accurate, there is also no true measure of time. Perhaps the most palatable theory comes from quantum physics and its contemplation of a constant increase in entropy—the continual expansion of the universe—which may be the origin of why we perceive time as always marching forward. (See Wired Magazine article ‘The Flow of Time’ here).

The Absolute Now

Timelines are man-made, visual constructs; they serve as a means of looking at what has gone before so that an ordering of the world might be conceived. Yet circles, like the divinity of creation itself, are infinite and therefore defy determinite resolution. Sacred time contemplates eternity as the absolute now. Practices such as mindfulness meditation expand consciousness in the present moment and enhance our ambient communion with a living, breathing, intelligent universe. Thus, when we embrace this subtle yet remarkable discipline and become present in the sacred time of our own lives, we are in-step with the entropic sentience of the cosmos . . . dancing circles around the sun.

©2015 Shawn Quinlivan, C.Ht. and Cathexis Therapeutic Imagery


Shawn picture-52

Shawn Quinlivan, C.Ht.

Cathexis Therapeutic Imagery specializes in innovative approaches to workplace wellness, mindfulness training, and personal development. Via private coaching, presentations, workshops, training events, and our partnership in the unique online wellness community Your Wellness Room—used by Kaiser Permanente, EFactor and other notable companies—our nationally recognized programs and practices help people and organizations make positive changes. Please call for a free consultation at (818) 512-4371 or contact us via email. 

Managing Stress & Body Weight

Managing Stress

Manage Stress & Body Weight By Regulating Your Blood Sugar 

The Simple Truths Of Blood Sugar

How does the body react to stress? What are the impacts of diet and exercise on this process? Stress is a fact of everyday life for most people, so it is important to know how to take care of ourselves physically and emotionally in responding to stressful situations.

When it comes to weight, the crucial element is understanding how stress impacts blood sugar. Our natural stress response involves the release of hormones that elevate blood sugar (glucose), which is needed by our brain to respond to challenges. But when blood sugar levels rise too high, the body begins converting the excess glucose to fat. Refined sugars and simple carbohydrates also elevate blood sugar, compounding this process. Therefore, it is imperative that we be mindful of our sugar intake during times of stress.

“Whole, unprocessed, single item foods that don’t require labeling of ingredients are the healthiest choices.”

During stressful situations we commonly feel hungry, so make sure nutritious choices are available. Include foods rich in protein such as lean meats, nuts, and legumes, and those high in soluble fiber such as fruits and vegetables; limit sweets and processed foods containing simple carbohydrates and sugars. The American Heart Association recommends restricting refined sugars added to our diets to no more than half of our daily calorie allowance. For American women, this averages about 6 teaspoons of added sugar per day, and for men, about 9 teaspoons per day (See American Heart Association article ‘Sugar 101’ here).

Exercise & Mindfulness Meditation

Exercise regulates blood sugar by burning calories and providing a physical release for the stress hormones in the body. Even in small doses throughout the day, physical activity counteracts the effects of elevated glucose levels and stimulates our brain chemistry to make us feel better. So remember to move around; avoid sitting for more than two hours at a time. And along with incorporating a regular exercise regimen to help achieve a healthy weight, invite activities into each day such as standing to perform certain tasks, walking whenever possible, and using the stairs instead of the elevator.

Mindfulness MeditationFinally, keep in mind that caffeine also elevates blood sugar and excess amounts actually make us feel more stressed. Mindfulness meditation is an excellent alternative as it boosts our energy in the best ways possible—calming anxious reactions that raise glucose levels, sharpening focus and concentration, and improving our mental and emotional outlook—giving us a positive and powerful coping tool for managing stress and maintaining a healthy body weight.

These links will help you learn more about stress management, healthy diet and body image,and wellness.

©2014 by Shawn Quinlivan, C.Ht. & Cathexis Therapeutic Imagery