The wounding of the inner child is a concept basic to modern psychology. A wounded inner child is one deeply affected by the sense of being unloved, or unlovable, or both. This perception can readily manifest into poor self-esteem, negative body image, addictive personality and other dysfunctions of suffering.
The wounded inner child is a psychological and phenomenological reality, one that can be extraordinarily powerful. As first intimated by psychologist Sigmund Freud, most destructive behavior patterns are, to a greater or lesser degree, related to this subconscious part of ourselves. Indeed, we were all children once, and that presence still dwells within us. Yet when we have endured neglect, abuse and emotional hardship, many of us dissociate with our child-like nature as we grow into adulthood. This abdication of an essential element of ourselves, which is typically driven by a determination to leave our painful past behind, is the basis of many behavioral, emotional and relationship difficulties.
Most commonly, it is within the framework of parental relationships and the nuclear family system that the wounding of the inner child occurs. Yet experiences such as bullying, abandonment, physical abuse, psychological abuse and physical or sexual assault—events that engender shame, guilt, rage and resentment—can also traumatize the inner child. Any experience of being physically or psychologically violated, even when it occurs in adulthood, can create this trauma.
In repressing the memories of such conflicts, we attempt to leave our child-like self behind and thus become emotionally attached to the past. We diminish spontaneity and the joy of cherishing each moment with awe and amazement, which allows our wounding to define us. Paradoxically, as a consequence of denying this essential element of our being, an internal rebellion occurs at times that empowers the wounded child to take possession of our personality and hijack our adult decision making process, creating disruptive episodes and scripting self-sabotaging behavior.
Within the psyche, emotion is a fundamental experience of the inner child. By attempting to block out the negative we also inhibit the positive, essentially muting ourselves at the emotional level. Yet this proves to be a precarious stasis which, in the presence of certain emotional, chemical and psychological triggers, can give way to fits of rage, grief, despair and depression, and may also lead to social anxiety, insomnia, obsessive compulsive behaviors and other disorders. Alas, these are the effects of being emotionally attached to unreconciled wounds of the past, dynamics that come to characterize us as victims—a volatile identity the inner child experiences as being exiled.
In adulthood, we want to believe we have left this wounded child and its emotional baggage behind.
Upon endeavoring to protect ourselves from unwanted reminders of our trauma, we project fear into new situations and confuse our perceptions, diverting our attention from the present to the past. This reaction is known as emotional looping, a symptom of what psychology calls arrested development that further tethers us to the painful memories from which we flee. This fragile vulnerability also draws us into unhealthy relationships with sketchy boundaries and unrealistic expectations, including those of rescued and rescuer, which ultimately prove to be unfulfilling and revisit aspects of the pain and hardship that trouble us.
Healing begins when we stop running from the traumatic memories and embrace the wounded child that refuses to be left behind—when we become emotionally capable of parenting ourselves and nurturing our betrayed innocence back to health. We then come to understand that the demons that haunt us are merely manifestations of the wounded child within, pleading for mercy and liberation from the traumas of the past. By letting go of our fear and delivering the inner child from its desperate longing for love and acceptance, something even more valuable than a lost part of ourselves is gained. Indeed, we come to understand the transcendent power of empathy and how it is rooted in the inner child—the redeemed aspect of our consciousness that is naturally guileless, caring, playful, uncomplicated, and whose manner is simple and straightforward.
This is why mindfulness training and the practice of mindfulness meditation have been a successful medium of transformation for so many people. In whatever ways the events of our lives have shaped us, we can only accept our fate and embrace our misfortunes as opportunities. While one cannot forget the past, it is important to acknowledge that change only occurs in the here and now. By developing the poise, self-possession and connective consciousness to actually be present with what is happening in the moment, we learn to recognize and move beyond ingrained defensive reactions and dysfunctional patterns of behavior sourced in the past, and are free to experience the boundless inspiration of reclaiming our child-like trust and wonder.
©2018 by Shawn Quinlivan, C.Ht. & Cathexis Therapeutic Imagery. All rights reserved.
